So Long, 2008.
December 31, 2008 It was a good year, and it was a bad year. But mostly it was a good year.
I created a new web show, learned how to cook beets, took a ton of photos, went to Austin, TX, twice (first for South by Southwest, then for Austin City Limits), joined a gym, drank wine on the beach more times than I can count, started volunteering at the SPCA, spent a week melting under the New York City summer sun, made new friends (in person and online), launched a new version of this blog, made room for a third cat in my apartment, played blackjack in Vegas, fell in love with "Mad Men", lost my job and my web show, watched Barack Obama win the presidential election, totaled my car, acquired an iPhone...and most importantly, forgave.
My divorce was finalized this year, which was by far the most difficult process I've ever experienced and not unlike grieving the death of a loved one, to be totally honest. Divorce is something that affects not just the two parties involved, but their families, friends, and in my case, more than a few strangers who, through the magic of rumors and the internet, deduced that all was not well and asked me about it on a daily basis. I've thought long and hard about sharing this info here, and I'm still not sure if it's the right thing to do, but I can tell you that it does feel like a tremendous weight being lifted off my chest with every keystroke. I led a very public life for a number of years, and when the tide turned I didn't want to have to admit that I had failed.
Take note, Internet: it's only fun when things are going well. Then you wish you'd held your cards much closer to your chest.
I no longer consider myself a failure, but it took me a long time to get here. I don't know if I'll ever completely get over the feeling that I let a lot of people down. It's not my intention to air any dirty laundry or assign any blame...the reality is that things just didn't work out, and the details of why are mine to know, process, and try not to repeat in the future. I don't see the point in wallowing in regret, and I cherish the countless memories that were created because of the choices I made. Life is an adventure and we all do the best we can.
I can't say enough for the power of therapy, acupuncture, lap cats, a really good cry, and time to heal.
So...I'm not going to set unrealistic goals for myself in 2009. What I want is to be present, to be creative, and to be a good person. Oh, and to go on a date with Jennifer Aniston.
Happy New Year, everybody!
Reader Comments (123)
"I can't say enough for the power of therapy, acupuncture, lap cats, a really good cry, and time to heal."
- - I couldn't agree with you more! And just remember, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger! Here's hoping the next year would be better! Surround yourself w/ loving family, good friends, & really cute cats...believe me it works wonders! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU & YOURS!!!
I think it's a good thing that you went public with this. It was pretty clear something had happened, and not addressing it led to all sorts of weird speculation from fans. You don't owe us anything, but when all mentiones of Brendan stopped, a lot of us were waiting for that other shoe to drop.
Best of luck in 2009!
I wish you a great 2009 Sarah Lane!
What a brave, honest, and real post, Sarah. There's nothing you can ask from yourself in the new year, or at any time, than to keep being brave, honest, and real.
Sarah,
I sincerely appreciate your openness. I can't imagine what you have dealt with and deal with as a celebrity. Thanks for putting your life out there for our entertainment. Happy New Year. I hope things work out with Leo and we see you a lot more on TWiT Live.
Thank you for the post. We all know you will kick ass in 2009!
I've been following your blog for a few years now and I too felt that something was not right when all mention of Brendan suddenly stopped. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a terrible thing. I can't even imagine what you went through.
I wish you all the happiness in the world, and hope that 2009 will totally rawk for you!
HUGS
Can't wait to see what you do in 2009!
Keep smilin' girl, you light up a room!
Rather than trying to wax poetic, I'll just say good luck to you in '09, and thanks for sharing with us over the years.
You're cool, I'm a fan, I really suck at leaving cool comments, I hope you do more online work in the future.
Happy New Year sweetie! You are much loved.
Being a good person is the best resolution you can make. The Jennifer Aniston idea is just the cherry on top. :) Have a safe, happy and healthy 2009.
Wow, I had kind of an idea something was wrong, but I didn't really suspect anything. I just figured you wanted to keep your personal life personal, which you should. I, like the other posts here, wish you all the best in 2009. Good luck to you - and your cats.
You are not a failure. Our experiences are what make us who we are...and the bad experiences contribute as much to that, if not more, than the good ones. As someone smarter than me once said, a wise person learns from their mistakes while a fool simply repeats them. And you've always struck me as a wise person...okay...except for maybe that cat obsession, but we'll overlook that one :-)
I'm sure you'll have great adventures in 2009!
You are awesome. We the huddled masses of viewers are just glad that you allow us a peek into your life. Thanks for sharing and good look in the new year.
Thanks Sarah. Happy New Year. From what I know after following you for many years is that you are a real and kind person. I look forward to even more success for you this year. You are great on Twit.
As I have told you before, your trip was one of the many factors that kicked me in the but and finally allowed my wife and I to make the decision to travel for 1 1/2 years with our son. So I have to thank you for being so public with your life. Thanks again for everything.
Shawn
I went through a divorce just over 4 years ago. It was hard, it sucked and I don't wish that on anyone. But, it is one of those times in your life where you can let it affect you negatively or positively. I think I am a much better person for going through that experience and my life is better for it. Your marriage failed, but YOU did not fail. You only fail if you give up, and it doesn't sound like you are doing that. Focus on the positive.
It must have taken a lot of courage to post something like this. I think you did the right thing. It helps to put things out there, even if it's to a bunch of people you don't know on the internet. All the best in 2009!
Good Luck Sarah, in everything! Happy 2009!
This really made me tear. Im still one of your biggest fans and still follow you and i appreciate you so much. I've been following you for about 5-6 years now. its crazy how i use to watch you when i was around 12 and now i'm 18. its crazy how time flies by. I keep coming to you're blog, because i look up to you. you have given me ideas how i want to live my life for the better. keep smiling beautiful and i hope you have an awesome 2009. me being 18 myself, gives me the freedom to do what i want to do since this will be the first year when i'm not in high school but in college.
btw, i bought my sister adagio tea for christmas. she loved it so much. thank you.
I just want to say I admire you and thanks for all the experiences you have shared with us these past years.I began watching you on the Screensavers and I was actually a little sad when you and Kevin split up. I thought you guys were great together. If I can be honest, I didn't quite see you and Brendan as the perfect couple, but that's just a Fan talking from limited exposure to you on TV. Anyway, you have many fans and I know you will continue to be successful in 2009. One door shuts and another one opens. You go Girl!
Happy New Year, Sarah, America's Internet Sweetheart (hey, if Jesse Thorne can name himself America's Radio Sweetheart, by God we can designate you with a proper title in 2009!).
All the best to you and yours, and we all look forward to whatever mad, crazy, creative things you bring.
Oh, and Leo, if you see this, HIRE THIS WOMAN! So, you know, just sayin' :)
Ms. Lane, welcome to 2009! Set it off lady as I suspect you will do great things in the..., hmm, we gotta get a nickname for this year stat.
No duh?!?
I can't count how many times you've referenced your social status without actually saying it. Fact is, you didn't fail... Instead, I'd like to think that modern life fails in general. Our future never plays out exactly how we envision it, and that's just the way it is. You're a proud woman, Sarah Lane. You're compassionate, intelligent, and hard working. You SHOULD be proud!!! At it's core, marriage sounds like a wonderfully romantic thing. But how can a person truly be an individual when she is part of a pair? How can Sarah TRULY connect with her friends, work, cats (and so on) if she is suppose to be wholeheartedly connected to another? The truth is that this is impossible for most of us. My parents have been married for 43 years, but have sacrificed a lot of themselves along the way. Times change. Ethics and practices change. Marriage is almost outdated as it is. Sarah Lane's only fault was being a little bit ahead of the game. You're a girly girl at heart. Everyone tells girly girls to dream of husbands and weddings and such. But EVERYONE IS WRONG. I know you can do anything you want. You can fall in love, raise kids, focus on your career, and be who you want to be. One wrong turn won't change this. I'm pretty sure I've failed more than you ever will, and I'm not putting a gun to my head anytime soon. Quite the contrary. Perfect is boring. Perfect is unrealistic. And PERFECT makes for a forgettable life... None of us will ever forget you, because we know you're better than perfect. :)
Happy New Year, Sarah Lane!!!
"...more than a few strangers who, through the magic of rumors and the internet, deduced that all was not well and asked me about it on a daily basis."
I can't begin to understand what that was like. I'm definitely one of those strangers, since my life is pretty boring and uneventful, and have a sad fascination for the lives of others. But at least I had the sense not to ask.
Actually, I just wanted to believe that you talked less about your marriage to try and keep your personal stuff more private. So reading that second paragraph kind of hit me. We all like to think of you as a person leading a very happy life. Then we see you loose your job and get a divorce... well, after all the joy you bring us we think someone like you deserves better luck.
I'm glad you're remaining positive, though... and looking forward to more This Week in Fun!
Marriage is something you should try at least twice. Happy 2009!!!
Sarah,
I just want you to know that you have so much to offer, and your charm and charisma are always there for us to see. The divorce thing sucks, I live with it everyday too, but I try to enjoy the good thoughts and experiences that I had while married. Take the good and leave the bad, became my motto. You are surrounded by some great people, who are leaders in the field that you are in. They know your special, they know you are talented, and continued success is just outside your door. So open up the door and let the sun shine in! Can't wait to see your next adventure. Have a Happy and Safe 2009, and remember to keep smiling, it's electric, people will smile back!
Sarah, we enjoy any of the aspects of your life you mete out. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and life with us internet junkies.
Have a wonderful 2009 and start it off well with lots of smooches to the gatos (cats)!
-Laura
Here's to 2009 Sarah! I have no idea what its like to try to be so transparent with the anonymous masses on the internet. Kudos and best wishes!
2009 will be a better year Sarah.
We love ya and lots of (((HUGS)))
Sarah, sorry to hear about the troubles. You sound like a strong, smart, woman and I know you can see through the issues in life that you may stumble apon. Best wishes for 09! =)
I can honestly say that I understand. My wife and I split in early 2008 and I didn't want to tell anyone. I was the successful, happy one and then I was the single guy. All my friends have young families and now I have a split family with a 3 yr old daughter. I didn't change anything on Facebook and advertise nothing about my split. I still don't know if I have accepted it and am having trouble moving on. I know I will get there and have some great friends and family to lean on.
Celebrity or not, you have the same feelings as the rest of us, but you also have the great courage to share your life with so many strangers. I applaud your honesty.
Bravo and best of luck in 2009! Your humanity and sincerity will carry you though with us, your fans.
Happy New Year, Sarah. You are a talented, successful, and strong woman, and I wish you all the best in 2009 :)
It's amazing how much time allows you to garner perspective and self-reflection. It sounds clear that you've gone through the motions and have moved through to the point of learning from the experience and using what you've experienced to guide you into the future. I wish you the best for '09!
Ms. Lane you are almost certainly the classiest internet celebrity I have the pleasure of reading in my RSS feed. Your personal life aside, I'm looking forward to your posts in 2009 and more Sarah Lane on the television (I saw an article in Geek magazine about AOTS and my first thought was "It's the same without Sarah Lane"). As for your resolution to date more Jennifer Anniston, what a coincidence! That's one of my resolutions too. Good luck.
-jp
Well.. Live for the moment. we don't have tomorrow,after awhile, Yesterday, but we have right now. If we try to be happy there, it Helps me to remember this..
Well the question I've been asking myself for so long finnally answered.
So sorry, but your OK , your going to be fine.
This is the type of Blog entry that's kept me watching you all these years.
I hope at some time you can discuss it. We get glimse's of that side of Sarah Lane just long enough to make us care.
Happy New Year Sarah! Thank you for sharing your life with us, including the hard stuff with all the good/fun/easy stuff. I have to admit I've wondered if something painful was going on for you and really hoped it wasn't. I wish you all the best in 2009 and am excited to see what you are up to next. I am looking forward to hearing about your ongoing adventures and of course your cats!
One of my goals for 2009 is to start volunteering at the SPCA myself now that we are living in SF again. I am really looking forward to it. Maybe I'll run into you there. :-)
I'm glad to hear that you no longer consider yourself a failure because you definitely are not! You are courageous, funny, smart, talented and of course, human.
love and hugs for you and your furry pals,
Jennifer (JJ) Abe
xoxoxo
Happy new year Sarah.
I have been enjoying your work on TWIF. If you can keep that going, you too can have a vast media empire like Leo!
I did see the posts slamming you about your husband. It is allways your call it put that kind of stuff on the interwebs. Maybe the haters can bother Scott Borne or Dvorak.org/blog instead now!
And you realise the Jennifer Aniston quip is going to start a whole new rumour/meme?
Catch you around the Interwebs cobber!
Darryl
you a great person, i can't help but to smile when ever i notice you have made a blog entry,
you will have a great 2009 this i am sure of, because you have love from your friends and love of your family and love of your little kitties and i for one know that the love of your pets is the most meaningful
Sarah, I have watched you for years, your an amazing person! You are gonna have a much better year. You have too much raw talent to be looked over......Gosh how i miss your little bits on tv!!! You have the best sense of humor ever!!!!!!! 2009 is gonna be YOUR YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By far the best new year blog I've read
I've done the time, therapy and crying so I'm out first thing tomorrow for a cat and a box of knitting needles...
2009 is going to be an amazing year for you - you're ace
Take care Sarah and have a great 2009. I really enjoy your shows and everything that you do.
I applaud your courage to talk about this publicly. You're still a cool person no matter what kind of mistakes you may have made. I admire you, SARAH LANE! :) You'll still rock and will do great things in the new year.
So many comments I am sure you wont read mine but just in case...
Even though we are not friends and only internet, we still have a bond. We have watched you on tv, read your blogs and shared in the concerns you have just like we were all friends. Its kinda weird. But I know t hat many people have kept you in their thoughts and hope that life would turn around for you even though we didnt know the story. You make an impact on tons of people in who you are and what you do. (gee no pressure, right?) Keep the faith.
Cindy Sal
May I have a date please? :)
Sarah, I've watched you throughout the years and I know that with your strong wit, humor and sunny disposition, you will pull yourself through all the trying times life may bring you (and hopefully there will not be too many!). I wish you all the best for 2009 and always!
Sarah,
Just one of a multitude of well wishes to you. Thank-you for continuing to allow us to view portions of your life both professional and private. A favorite line of mine from the movies:
'Get busy living, or get busy dying.'
It's pretty easy to tell where you stand, and we are all just scrambling to keep up. :)
All the best in 2009.
Thanks for being so open and honest with us. Good luck to you in 2009! Stay positive and never give up!
I spent many months pretending in my online persona that my separation didn't exist. When my therapist looked at what I blogged about, he suggested that my denial, or lack of disclosure, was my way of pretending that it wasn't real. I think he was right. Once I started talking about it, it got easier to process. The eventual divorce was no less a part of me than any other victory or failure.
Like you, I also had far less of an issue writing about my various lay-offs and job losses and what not. Weird how we let that part be fair game online.
Keep doing your thing. And never undervalue a good therapist.
Even though I'm only a newly 20 year old male hailing from western pennsylvania, i havent experienced the half of what you've been through, seen, done or even begin to match any of it, but for one thing I know that this takes a lot and it can be a big step in a better direction for you and everyone around you by just starting here with a post like this. I wish you the best that there is to come this year. No matter how bad, just look back to this blog and realize how far you've come and what you can still do and want to do. From a long time fan of your work, I once again wish you the best this year and every year to follow. I hope to see more projects that you'll be involved in coming in the near future. get on that 09 horse and ride!